Is it a good idea to lend a friend money if they ask for your help?

A no-win situation. Kiss the money goodbye if you do. And feel like a mean bastard of Judge Judy proportions if you don’t.

Hey, idea! Treat the situation like you would if you were a bookie. Lay off your bets!

Let’s say you loan your mate Paddy $1000. Next, go borrow $500 from Mick. Now, you’re only in the hole for $500. And Mick is in the hole for the other $500. Unfortunately, Mick doesn’t know he’s lost $500 yet. That’s okay. As always, I have a solution.

Be honest. Eventually. Spill the beans about the situation to Paddy and Mick a week later at the pub. Paddy now feels double pressure to repay two mates. And you and Mick can bitch about Paddy together.

Of course, eventually you will need to give Paddy a shakedown. How much easier is it to rough up a mate when there’s two of you? One would be hard, given Paddy’s tough upbringing in the mean streets of Dublin. But with both yourself and Mick, you’re practically a gang!

Last resort: dob on Paddy. To his mum. Mum never liked you, but she loves Mick, her fourth cousin, who was orphaned in the roughest neighbourhood in Belfast. She’s pitied Mick and raised him like her own son, Paddy.

Mick always remembered to buy his “mum” flowers on Mother’s Day. Paddy, however, is an idiot.

Mum hands back your money. She closes the door, and is heard yelling to Paddy. You don’t see Paddy at the pub for a month, when his grounding has finished.

I’m just sayin’!

Bruce Brammall is the author of Debt Man Walking (www.debtman.com.au) and principal adviser with Castellan Financial Consulting.