(03) 9020 2905Debt Man column – The West Australian (Business)
January 21, 2011.
Not sure if you Money returns on Jan 24 or not.
Bruce Brammall
Debt Man
Gerry Harvey, cheers to your recent brain implosion! You’ve just shouted me 10 free cases of beer.
I think Gerry suffered what I’d call a “Fisherman’s Friend” moment last week.
It’s quite a bizarre event to happen to someone of Gerry’s nous and intellect. So, what’s a Fisherman’s Friend moment?
It’s when you’re standing beside the highway of life, sucking on a strong, yet freshening mint, and out of nowhere, an intriguing looking woman in a red catsuit comes and wallops you in the face with a three-foot-long dead fish.
“WHOA!”
(Hey, it was a memorable advertisement. Don’t say it’s never happened to you!)
Gerry’s rampant stupidity in requesting a “level playing field” for retailers – by asking the government to charge you GST for offshore internet purchases – was breathtaking.
But, apparently, he didn’t see the backlash – thousands of consumers carrying three-foot-long dead fish – coming down the road to spank him. Asking the government to make things more expensive for consumers? Exactly what reaction from the public were you expecting, Gerry?
As I’ve often said, Gerry is our friend. And I’d like to thank him for raising my level of knowledge on the benefits of internet shopping from shabby ignorance to total convert. He’s right! It’s damn cheap out there in cyberland.
I’m not a good shopper. God, I’m awful. I shop under fear and loathing. When they say “shop till you drop”, I’m usually the one who’s laying, trembling, in a puddle before I even find a carpark at the mall.
I look as natural shopping as Kevin Rudd looks drinking a beer.
Honestly, I’d rather be dragged along by the short and curlies to an 80s revival concert consisting of Cristopher Cross, Starship, Milli Vanilli, Mr Mister and the Captain and Tenille. Yep, all of them. For a five-hour marathon of the most chunder-inducing music every created. Shudder.
I haven’t even taken to internet shopping, even though I don’t have to battle crowds, find a car park or suffer the endless boredom of trying on clothes.
But, given the breakdown in printing equipment – and, by accounts from some witnesses, a near homicidal rampage over non-fuctioning equipment from my normally cool-headed assistant “H” – I was forced to spend time learning about my needs for a machine that prints, scans, copies and faxes. (And, as it turns out, makes coffee, organises my diary, spends quality “substitute Daddy” time with my children and will, if I ask the droid nicely enough, polish my shoes.)
Now, boned up on requirements, I went down to my local Major Retailer.
My local Major Retailer wanted nearly $1300 for an appliance that could complete the above tasks. This was approximately 47 times as much as I was hoping to pay for a replacement R2D2 unit. Okay, maybe double.
Enter … Gerry Harvey’s bitching and moaning and the increased prominence he has given regarding the magical powers of internet shopping. If Gerry hadn’t so astoundingly highlighted how cheap internet shopping was that very week, I probably wouldn’t have thought of it and would have purchased the unit from Major Retailer. I’m a bad shopper.
Soooo, I spent 5 minutes on the internet and found many, MANY, suppliers out who were prepared to deliver to my door the exact same printer/copier/pleasure machine for a price that was nearly 30 per cent cheaper than the sticker at Major Retailer.
But wait, there’s more! Enough to buy some steak knives.
A little sheepishly, I went back to the store and asked about their “beat any competitor by 5 per cent” pricing policy.
After checking, Major Retailer did exactly that and quickly dropped their price by more than $430. And they happily sold it to me, presumably not at a loss.
Proud owner of new printer.
The blood has been mopped up from my office floor. The holes in the walls from H’s riot have been repaired. We’ve apologised to nearby residents and businesses for scaring children and clientele. And the ever-efficient H is, after the usual installation issues, content that the new contraption does what she tells it to. More importantly, when she tells it to.
Hundreds of dollars saved. Internet shopping’s prowess proven. Peace in the office.
So much beer money to thank Gerry for. Anyone know where to send him a card?
Bruce Brammall is the author of Debt Man Walking (www.debtman.com.au) and a licensed financial adviser. bruce@debtman.com.au .