(03) 9020 2905Debt Man column – The West Australian (Business)
For: December 10, 2010.
Bruce Brammall
Debt Man
No need to mark this down as one of 2010’s bold predictions. I certainly don’t need to channel the ghost of Nostradamous to say that in exactly 15 days, you will wake up poorer than you are today.
With slightly less confidence, I can predict you will have more debt.
By Christmas lunch, it’s safe to assume you will have some junk you enjoyed receiving as much as that copy of New Kids On The Block’s “Hanging Tough” for Christmas ’89. (And start practising your fake smiles for awful presents now. Too much fake smiling, without adequate warming up, can cause permanently disfiguring facial cramps.)
Some stuff you gave away will have been appreciated by the recipient less than the paper it was wrapped in. But that happens when the receiver is not even two. Or in their mid-teens.
As a nation, it is the only day of the year that about two-thirds of us have had two glasses of champagne, or cracked multiple stubbies, BEFORE breakfast and will have a clinical hangover before Christmas pud is served at lunch.
About 50 per cent will groan from eating too much. (Or you can just take whatever odds are available on me overeating – it’s a sure thing.)
For better odds, you can also take a points spread on how much one of you upsets a mother-in-law. Or how close you went to clocking someone for drinking all your imported beer, before they started on their own cheap stuff.
Have a side bet on what time the first toy is broken. It will be the most expensive one. (The median time, for your interest, is 9.36am.)
As a collective, by the end of Christmas Day, we will be poorer, fatter, grumpier and more hungover than we have been … for 365 days.
Aah, Christmas, a good reminder of why we usually can’t wait for Boxing Day. That’s the day when the pressure comes off everyone. Except the Australian cricket team.
As I’m not qualified to give you relationship advice, can claim to be a child-raising expert only as it relates to DebtBoy and DebtGirl and my editor says I am lacking credibility to lecture anyone on their drinking habits, I’ll stick to giving you some Christmassy financial advice that you may be able to use in the remaining weeks of this year.
(But if you’re hoping for something sensible, stop reading now.)
If your problems roughly match those above, here are some tips that are certainly practical, but might not help. If you can implement them, they will definitely make for a more pleasant December and possibly save a few bucks on January’s credit card bill.
Start your drinking early. Not Christmas morning. Now. There is so much free booze flowing this month that nobody seems to pay for drinks. If you go hard until New Year’s Eve, you’ll swear off booze until February. I’ve just saved you possibly two months’ bar bill.
If, like me, you’re completely talentless in the art of present buying, outsource the job, preferably to someone who knows what they are doing. Mrs DebtMan is a world champion shopper and is instinctive at present buying.
Butter them up: “But honey, you’re soooo good at buying presents!” If I can save myself even three hours of time in shopping malls in December, I swear the reduced stress will add an extra two weeks to my life.
If you have to shop yourself, buy “tax deductions”. People from so many industries are able to get tax deductions for useful items. (Just remember, if the Tax Man comes for an audit, they’re “on loan” and you’re just ducking out to get them.)
Stop the vicious cycle of unwanted presents. Tell people what you want! And ask people what they want. Surprise presents are for the kids.
Return unwanted junk. If you don’t like it, tell them it’s the “wrong size” or you’ve “already read it”. Grab the receipt. Return it. Swap it.
You might think you’re a great gift-buyer. But understand that if it’s the “wrong size” or they’ve “already read it” that you’re now aware that it’s code. They don’t want to hurt your feelings. Toughen up.
It’s a financially stressful time of year. Take steps now to minimise the damage in January.
Bruce Brammall is the author of Debt Man Walking (www.debtman.com.au) and a licensed financial adviser. bruce@debtman.com.au .