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Bruce Brammall, The West Australian, 31 October, 2022
“Get out of the way!”
It was a thundering command, usually delivered to my brother or me, as we were in the kitchen foraging for food, while parents were doing important things, such as cooking meals.
It eventually became sub-conscious. I hate getting in people’s way.
I go out of my way not to physically get in others’ way. While driving, around the house, when I can see someone in a hurry.
It’s largely a positive trait, but sometimes it annoys me. I won’t change it. For example, I don’t really walk side-by-side with others down the street. I’m just a single file kind of guy. I’m getting out of the way of others walking the opposite direction, or those walking faster.
My parents call it “learned behaviour” – those automatic actions or thought patterns you inherited growing up.
It’s received by osmosis. Largely from your parents. You don’t realise you’re being moulded.
The way you speak, how you parent, the way you treat others, a love of animals, the sports you follow, politics, attitudes to money. They are just some of the types of behaviours you can pick up.
Some learned behaviours are good. Some not. Sometimes, later in life, you question them and change them. Often you don’t.
It’s in your head
You shouldn’t have to think hard to find a few learned behaviours of your own. You might be able to think of a few that you’ve purposefully changed.
The hardest to identify are the negative ones you haven’t changed.
I’m not a qualified psychologist. But, in a sense, I’m a money therapist. Retraining people to better financial habits is a part of what advisers do.
Some people go to advisers with great money habits already. Their motivation for getting advice is to lift things to a new level.
With others you meet for the first time, you can see that a part of what has motivated them to get advice is a desire to get out of their own way, break the bad habits they’ve developed.
I’ve recently acknowledged a couple of personal habits needing change. One is financial, isn’t so much a negative and is a tweak I can work on. The other, I sought out a coach.
Could I do that one on my own? Possibly. But I can also see that I’d possibly royally screw it up. I’m getting out of my own way and I’ll get a better result.
Three-step process
There’s a reason many people with good incomes look wealthy, but really aren’t.
You scratch below the surface and for all the money they have earned, they’ve got little to show for it. And it stresses them. Their super balance is ordinary, they haven’t made much of a dent in the mortgage (or don’t have one), they haven’t started to develop any sort of an investment portfolio.
They’ve picked up a mentality, often by learned behaviour from their parents. And they’re stuck in a cycle they feel powerless to stop.
All habits, including learned behaviours, can be changed. First, you need to identify them. Second, accept that change is needed.
Those first two steps are the hardest. Admitting something you’ve been doing your whole life is wrong, and holding you back, is tough.
Third, decide what needs to be done to change your life. Can you do it yourself? Do you need some help?
Your money, your call
If you really think about it, you might uncover many. Few could afford to pay professionals to bring about change for all of them.
You’ll need to choose what you work on yourself and what you hire help for.
Some decisions will be easy. Some won’t. But spending $1 to make $5, or bring $5 of happiness, will usually be worth it.
You’re already outsourcing jobs that you’d do appallingly yourself.
Haircuts. Those that do that job themselves stand out in a crowd. Servicing your car, dry cleaning, educating your kids, delivery dinner when you … just … can’t.
It’s amazing how many donate extra to the tax office by doing their own tax returns. Or who fail to pick up money the superannuation system wants to hand to them.
Find a learned behaviour you don’t like. Change it. Then find another. Start now.
“Get out of your own way!” And good luck!
Bruce Brammall is the author of Mortgages Made Easy and is both a financial adviser and mortgage broker. E: bruce@brucebrammallfinancial.com.au.